Today...

She lay in my arms, a perfect bundle of pink. Her little button nose nestles into my chest and the love I feel for her is instant. The pain of the past hours of labour a forgotten memory as I study her beautiful features and talk to her in a soothing voice only a mother owns. A new baby girl for our family, a new little person to fill our hearts with joy... A little girl called Piper.

That was over 5 years ago but  it feels like it was only yesterday that she entered the world and was cradled in my arms. Today my youngest daughter begins her first journey in life; school.

Piper and I have not always been close. Similar in every part of personality means that we butt heads more than we agree. Her determination and strong personality is a perfect match for my own and arguments between us are frequent, often requiring Craig to step in and take charge. Looking back it is rather immature of me to stoop to the level of a young child but in my defense, Piper has always been beyond her years.

It was not so long ago that I welcomed this day. Mentally counting down the years, months and weeks until I could happily pack her school bag and send her off to spend her days challenging the authority of the teachers rather than that of her own mother. I dreamed of the 6 hours of peace that the school enrollment would bring me and how for 5 days a week, I would be argument free!

Today however, as my daughter dresses in white and blue that is her new attire for many years to come,

my heart strings are stretched and I am forced to hold back tears. With her little black shoes and white socks to match, she looks ready to take on the world; the world that has been ready and waiting for her since the day she entered it.

I brush her hair into two little tails, a blue ribbon on each side. She smiles at me as I pin back the fly away hairs and stick them down with spray, "I can't wait to start school Mummy" she says. No reply leaves my mouth, the words are choked by the lump that sits in my throat. I managed a smile and turn away.. "Where have the years gone?" I wonder... "And why do they have to grow up so quick?"

As if someone moved the hands on the clock, time for school comes quickly. Pictures are taken, a genuine smile upon her face. Today there is a twinkle in her big blue eyes, today she shines bright, today my baby is a big girl.

Piper places her overly large pink school bag on her back and runs to the car.

The distance to the school is short, however long enough for me to process my feelings and why I am lost about the journey she is about to embark on.

Piper has been my constant companion since we move here. In a place where everything was different and where we felt so alone, we had each other. We filled the day with conversation and completed tasks side by side. Moving in sync we began to become familiar with each others ways, thoughts and together developed an understanding of the other. We had bonded. Today, all that comes to an end. . Today, although I will have my youngest at home, I will be alone.

We reach the school gates, and all my children pile out of our van. Much to their dismay, many more photos are taken in an attempt to catch every moment, every expression of the day , a day I never want to   forget.

The chain of the brass bell is pulled and the chime is ear piercing; its time for her first day of school to commence.

There are no tears from my daughter, there are no kisses, nor are there any arms wrapped around my neck. She runs off towards the class room, chatting to her newly made friends along the way. Then she is gone...

I finally allow the lump in my throat to be swallowed and the tears roll down my cheek.

Today my littlest daughter has taken her first steps towards her future, and it's now my turn to do the same....

After the storm...

The thunder rolls across the sky, carried by angry black clouds. Heavy rain pelts at my windows and thuds on the tin, which is my roof. Wind rips through the trees, bending their branches beyond their limits. I watch as the lightning strikes the ground and with a bang the power to my home is gone. 

 The third blackout in as many weeks, but unlike the storms before, this time I am prepared.I move from room to room, frantically igniting candles that illuminate my path towards the next. I am thankful that the children had made their way to bed some time ago as weather like this always has the ability to rattle their immature nerves. The sky groans again and another loud bang makes me jump. The fury of the storm is upon us.

 The candles burn, filling the room with a soft light and creating shadows that dance upon the walls. Normally this setting would of been ideally romantic but as I sit here watching the flames flicker while anticipating the next heart jumping clap of thunder, I feel anything but romantic. The word "it's different out here", echo in my ears. It’s a statement that I have heard spoken many times from the mouths of the locals. I could never make sense of it, but tonight, with only a dull light as my guide and my thoughts for company, I couldn't agree more!

 I have met and spoken to many people that reside in this town. Some of these people work and live off the land, some drive hundreds of kilometres daily to earn their bread, others own small businesses and some, just like me have taken to this way of life in hope of building a better future for their children. I have listened to their stories, tales of heartache and memories of the past, watched their expressions as they speak and observed the years of worry and hardship upon their faces. There are no complaints, no whining words escape their mouths, they love what they do, they work hard for the country the love but mostly they couldn’t picture their lives anywhere else! Like water off a ducks back, the residents of this town, take it as it comes! In the world I was bought up in, that certainly is different! 

 While our short 6 month stint in this town has provided us with many inconveniences, we have not yet experienced what true country living has to offer. Driving long distances for a simple loaf of bread infuriates me, the loss of water in a blackout tints my cheeks a fiery red in annoyance, and the sight of yet another mouse, spider or ant making a home within mine turns my blood cold, but as the months pass, I have come to realise that in comparison to what many others living here have endued, I have not yet earned the right to let anger manifest inside me or negative comments roll off tongue. 

 The frequent storms have not affected my livelihood, the bugs are not eating at my crops nor are the distances I travel done in a tractor traveling at snails pace in scorching heat; Yes, when I really think about it, a furious storm that has left me blind, is nothing to be annoyed about.

 I gulp away my fear of the dark and my burning desire for the electricity to be restored. Walking from room to room, checking on my children who sleep soundly in their beds, I am again reminded of how fortunate I am and how unaffected I have actually been by living life in the country. 

 So the next time I feel that the storm is too furious for me to face, I will endeavor to see beyond the darkness of the clouds and look for the rainbow that is, life in the country.

Two Thousand and Twelve...

 A new year!  It's a time for a fresh start, new beginnings and of course the mapping out of plans for the year that follows. We make promises to ourselves of things we wish to achieve, some with a lazy heart and others with great determination. 

The end of another year is also the time to reflect on the journey we walked, ran and at times crawled. A time when we put all of our faith in the four new digits that we hope will bring us bigger and brighter things. Yes, with a new year comes much promise.

It’s now nearing the end of January.  Almost 6 months into our transition, however as I sit here in surroundings that still feel extremely new and unfamiliar, I am still unable to set out plans nor am I able to make a resolution for the year that is already upon us.

I am drawn to 2011 and what it bought to me and to the ones that I hold dear to my heart.  My mind is blank.  With our move to the country taking up much of my focus for a good part of 6 months, it’s hard to remember anything else of importance within that time.

I tightly close my eyes and force myself to think past the scared, the hurt and the pain. The memories of 2011 come flooding back.  

Jackson's first day of school is first and foremost.  How proudly he wore his uniform and how confidently he walked away from me, holding his new teachers hand and screaming across the quad "bye mummy"... The though has enough emotion attached to still bring a tear to my eye! 

Like mosaic of pictures fill my mind and many more memories follow;  the weddings we attended, the transformations we made, birthdays, concerts, achievements, day trips, sports played, and so much more... I am overwhelmed at how much actually happened that year; how many precious memories almost forgotten, smothered by my inability move past the emotions I carry towards moving here.  

I revert back to my reason for being in this moment; a resolution to be founded.  

I decide that the best path to take is the one that is already laid before me. To set no goals, make no plans, and have no expectations on the four digits that are 2012.

I have learnt from 2011 that life has its own plan for me. It has a way of mapping itself out and that my road has already been paved.  Instead of making myself promises that I may never be able to fulfil, I will instead take the hands of my family and friends and together we will tackle the bad, welcome the good and be open to walk the in what ever direction the year takes us; for the fear of forgetting what was is to great to be focused on what I wanted.