Goodbye 2012

As 2012 comes to an end and 2013 gears up to make its grand entrance, I am forced to reflect on all that this year bought to my life.... 

Still fairly new to a small country town at the beginning of the year, my family and I were introduced plenty of "firsts" and the harshness that living on the land can bring to a family. Our eyes were opened to a whole new way of life and at times we didn't think we would make it through yet another disappointment and experience. However after surviving the coldest teeth chattering winter ever and some of the cruelest things we have seen and done, my family and I came out the other side, a little tougher and carrying a little more appreciation of what country life is all about! 

This year bought new friends into our life, while some old friends appeared to vanished, plenty of new experiences and lots of little adventures. We have shed tears and we have laughed, we have surprised ourselves at how graciously we tackled the many bends in the road and we have continued fighting when we wanted to lay down. The children have grown in height and personality, while craig and i have grown in age, strength, achievements and understanding. We have more family pets, are carrying more weight and somehow seem to have a little more time. We stress less, complain less and I'm pretty sure have less usage of the major organ known as the liver. 

Yes, 2012 has been a year that has given us "more and less" of everything, in ways we could never of imagined. However the most important thing that we will take away with us from 2012 , is memories; memories that will be forever etched in our minds and hearts, shaping and molding the person we are today...

 

 I can say that I am excited about what 2013 will bring to the lives of my family and myself and welcome the abundance of experiences and challenges that are sure to come our way...

Happy New Year People
X

A Change of Season

 Many months have passed since I sat down to write of my country journey. Time flies by and before we know it, we are having another birthday, celebrating another Christmas and ready for another year to take us by surprise. Yes the seasons change all to quickly, and since living in this quite little town, it has become even more noticeable. So with the years passing me by, my children becoming more independent and the large amount of time I had on my hands, I decided to take a leap of faith in my abilities and look into doing something for myself. What it was, I did not know, but I was determined to find that little bit of something that didn’t involve nappy changing, house work and food shopping.

Sitting down in my designated thinking spot to ponder on my life’s direction, I was reminded of the many people whose journey I had followed. To them, I was only a shadow in the distance, but in reality I had walked every step of the way. I had watched family succeed, watched colleges climb the corporate ladder and even cried as friends followed their hearts desire. So in searching for this something I so desperately needed, I came to the conclusion, like many that had walked before me, I too would take some time to focus on my career. With that decision, the seasons changed again and I became another year older.

 Now it is a great concept for one to make this stance on their future, however in practice the notion was almost impossible. While I knew that my heart held a strong desire for working with children, the direction of this desire was not yet understood. Torn in two by heart and head and their constant bickering on the career choice I should make, it was many weeks before I finally let one rule the other, and decided on the route in which my journey for the future would take me; teaching.

 With my mind made up and my heart tagging along, I began to investigate where I began and how it would all work out. Being an organised planner type of person that I am, I needed to know the in’s and out’s of what I could be getting myself into. I spoke to friends that I knew who were teachers; the principal of the school and even gave my children a chance at throwing in their own two bob’s worth.  However, with all investigations done, check list ticked off and piles and piles of notes written on crinkled pieces of paper, I still was not sure if this teaching gig would be right for me and for my family, nor was i confident that i would be able to carry out the four years of university that teaching required. I was at a lost as to what to do and no closer to making the change and giving myself that little piece of something.

 Months passed and so too did the cold winter, inviting spring and summer had almost waved its last goodbye. we were heading into another change of season and it was time to get my butt into gear. With shaking hands and perspiration building on my brow, I nervously made the call. Before I knew it I was an enrolled student of Curtin University and ready to make a difference to my life and the lives of the children. I was filled with nerves, and racked with fear but in my heart,  I knew that the children of today are our future and if I could contribute to making the difference towards their path, then there was nothing more I could ask for. With this understanding, I hit the books hard and studied like I had never done before, all the while, the end goal in sight.

Since this terrifying  moment that seems like it was only yesterday, I have successfully completed four units of the degree with distinctions and high distinctions and am making my way through the next round of units as I speak. I never dreamed that study would be a normality in my life, and had never imagined that I would enjoy the learning process as much as I have. While there have been tears, tantrums and days where facing the books seemed all to hard, it is my love  of children, my dedication to make a difference and my need to find that lil something for me,  that has kept me afloat.

So while I may no longer find the time to fill my blog with words from the heart, my writing still continues, filling my head with knowledge to achieve my hearts desire.

February photo challenge.

Capturing special moments of the world I live in would have to be one of my favouritethings to do. I always seem to have a camera (or my phone) in hand, ready atany given time to click away, freezing that expression, scene, person or placefor eternity.  

When I wasasked by blogger, Melinda Barker from EVERYDAY MOMENTS BLOG on Facebook if Iwould rise to the challenge of taking a photo a day for the month of February,there was no hesitation to my reply. With 29 days in the month of February and my small addiction to happy snaps; who could resist?  Of course I would rise to a challenge like that...

The daily topics are posted  on her Facebook page. The task is to capture what that topic meansto you with your camera and share.. EASY!!!

Why not joinin the fun, by liking EVERYDAY MOMENTS BLOG on Facebook and like many ofus... RISE TO THE CHALLENGE

I will beposting my pictures daily….  So keep poppingback to see the world through my eyes…

DAY ONE

TOPIC: YOUR VIEW TODAY

Today I saw the world the world through rose coloured glasses...

DAY TWO
TOPIC: WORDS

These four words are the  most important words in the world to me...


DAY THREE
TOPIC: HANDS

The hands of time that control my world..

DAY FOUR
TOPIC: A STRANGER


Living in a small country town made it very difficult to take a photo of a complete stranger, however while doing some research around town, I stumbled across the local graveyard. While walking around reading the head stones, I realised that everyone in here was a stranger to me... 


DAY FIVE
TOPIC: 10am

What better way to take a photo of this topic than a 10 o'clock shadow... (BTW I am not really this wide in real life)


DAY SIX
TOPIC: DINNER

No one said it had to be my dinner.... 


DAY SEVEN
TOPIC: BUTTON

There is no other button that I would rather photograph then this little one on my baby boy!


DAY EIGHT
TOPIC: SUN

The clouds parted and the sun shone through...


DAY NINE
TOPIC: FRONT DOOR

When taking this photo I could not help but wonder how many people had walked through this door...


DAY TEN
TOPIC: SELF PORTRAIT

In any given day, I can wear many faces... but there comes a time when they all start to mesh together and I forget who I am and what I look like. 


DAY ELEVEN
TOPIC: WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY

There are so many things in this world that make my heart skip a beat of joy, however those things also have the ability to bring sorrow. I had difficulty working out what truly made me smile, and it was not until my children were in bed and I sad down with my note pad, pencil and a cup of tea that it came to me... Constant happiness for me, are from these things...




DAY TWELVE
TOPIC: WHATS IN YOUR CLOSET

Many people have skeletons in their closet but in mine, there are the best kept secrets..




DAY THIRTEEN
TOPIC: BLUE

What a topic to photograph. Everywhere I turned my head today, I saw blue. But it was this little object that I thought perfect for the topic. After all, with blue being a colour that has the ability to bring to mind sadness, I couldn't help but wonder how many children this little blue block had made smile!


DAY FOURTEEN
TOPIC: HEART

On the day that we show our love for our dearest.. My daughter showed me that she had a creative streak...


DAY FIFTEEN
TOPIC: PHONE

You see a remote control for a television; my little person sees a phone in which he can have wonderful conversations with his Nan and Pa.


DAY SIXTEEN
TOPIC:SOMETHING NEW

An old town full of history.  My family sees this town as something new and a place to create our own history!




DAY SEVENTEEN
TOPIC: TIME

I have heard that "time" heals all wounds!


DAY EIGHTEEN
TOPIC: DRINK

and that she is......


DAY NINETEEN
TOPIC: SOMETHING YOU HATE DOING

While the task of washing to dishes is not the worse on the housework list, it is something I hate doing as it is usually the time of the evening when the children are tired, restless and making the decision to drive me insane.. 


DAY TWENTY
TOPIC: HANDWRITING

Nothing special about my handwriting, but the numbers on this piece of paper, are the most important numbers I have ever written. My UNI log in number!


DAY TWENTY ONE
TOPIC: A FAVE PHOTO OF ME

I chose this picture as one of my favourite of me because in this photo I am young and innocent. I see the world as my adventure play ground, I do not know what it feels like to be hurt or nor have I experienced heart ache. In this photo, I was loved just because I was me....

DAY TWENTY TWO
TOPIC: WHERE I WORK

This is my place of work, the place that I do the most important job of all, taking care of my family.
The chair is my thinking spot. A place where I reflect on my days "work" and do most of my writing.


DAY TWENTY THREE
TOPIC: YOUR SHOES

Todays choice of footwear was proudly bought to you by my girls.... as was the lovely nail polish they chose to torture my toes with..
DAY TWENTY FOUR
TOPIC: INSIDE MY BATHROOM CLOSET

No one said the door had to be open!

DAY TWENTY FIVE
TOPIC: GREEN

A very green window to my soul!

DAY TWENTY SIX

TOPIC: NIGHT

DAY TWENTY SEVEN

TOPIC: SOMETHING I ATE

DAY TWENTY EIGHT

TOPIC: MONEY

DAY TWENTY NINE

TOPIC: SOMETHING I AM LISTENING TO

Today...

She lay in my arms, a perfect bundle of pink. Her little button nose nestles into my chest and the love I feel for her is instant. The pain of the past hours of labour a forgotten memory as I study her beautiful features and talk to her in a soothing voice only a mother owns. A new baby girl for our family, a new little person to fill our hearts with joy... A little girl called Piper.

That was over 5 years ago but  it feels like it was only yesterday that she entered the world and was cradled in my arms. Today my youngest daughter begins her first journey in life; school.

Piper and I have not always been close. Similar in every part of personality means that we butt heads more than we agree. Her determination and strong personality is a perfect match for my own and arguments between us are frequent, often requiring Craig to step in and take charge. Looking back it is rather immature of me to stoop to the level of a young child but in my defense, Piper has always been beyond her years.

It was not so long ago that I welcomed this day. Mentally counting down the years, months and weeks until I could happily pack her school bag and send her off to spend her days challenging the authority of the teachers rather than that of her own mother. I dreamed of the 6 hours of peace that the school enrollment would bring me and how for 5 days a week, I would be argument free!

Today however, as my daughter dresses in white and blue that is her new attire for many years to come,

my heart strings are stretched and I am forced to hold back tears. With her little black shoes and white socks to match, she looks ready to take on the world; the world that has been ready and waiting for her since the day she entered it.

I brush her hair into two little tails, a blue ribbon on each side. She smiles at me as I pin back the fly away hairs and stick them down with spray, "I can't wait to start school Mummy" she says. No reply leaves my mouth, the words are choked by the lump that sits in my throat. I managed a smile and turn away.. "Where have the years gone?" I wonder... "And why do they have to grow up so quick?"

As if someone moved the hands on the clock, time for school comes quickly. Pictures are taken, a genuine smile upon her face. Today there is a twinkle in her big blue eyes, today she shines bright, today my baby is a big girl.

Piper places her overly large pink school bag on her back and runs to the car.

The distance to the school is short, however long enough for me to process my feelings and why I am lost about the journey she is about to embark on.

Piper has been my constant companion since we move here. In a place where everything was different and where we felt so alone, we had each other. We filled the day with conversation and completed tasks side by side. Moving in sync we began to become familiar with each others ways, thoughts and together developed an understanding of the other. We had bonded. Today, all that comes to an end. . Today, although I will have my youngest at home, I will be alone.

We reach the school gates, and all my children pile out of our van. Much to their dismay, many more photos are taken in an attempt to catch every moment, every expression of the day , a day I never want to   forget.

The chain of the brass bell is pulled and the chime is ear piercing; its time for her first day of school to commence.

There are no tears from my daughter, there are no kisses, nor are there any arms wrapped around my neck. She runs off towards the class room, chatting to her newly made friends along the way. Then she is gone...

I finally allow the lump in my throat to be swallowed and the tears roll down my cheek.

Today my littlest daughter has taken her first steps towards her future, and it's now my turn to do the same....

After the storm...

The thunder rolls across the sky, carried by angry black clouds. Heavy rain pelts at my windows and thuds on the tin, which is my roof. Wind rips through the trees, bending their branches beyond their limits. I watch as the lightning strikes the ground and with a bang the power to my home is gone. 

 The third blackout in as many weeks, but unlike the storms before, this time I am prepared.I move from room to room, frantically igniting candles that illuminate my path towards the next. I am thankful that the children had made their way to bed some time ago as weather like this always has the ability to rattle their immature nerves. The sky groans again and another loud bang makes me jump. The fury of the storm is upon us.

 The candles burn, filling the room with a soft light and creating shadows that dance upon the walls. Normally this setting would of been ideally romantic but as I sit here watching the flames flicker while anticipating the next heart jumping clap of thunder, I feel anything but romantic. The word "it's different out here", echo in my ears. It’s a statement that I have heard spoken many times from the mouths of the locals. I could never make sense of it, but tonight, with only a dull light as my guide and my thoughts for company, I couldn't agree more!

 I have met and spoken to many people that reside in this town. Some of these people work and live off the land, some drive hundreds of kilometres daily to earn their bread, others own small businesses and some, just like me have taken to this way of life in hope of building a better future for their children. I have listened to their stories, tales of heartache and memories of the past, watched their expressions as they speak and observed the years of worry and hardship upon their faces. There are no complaints, no whining words escape their mouths, they love what they do, they work hard for the country the love but mostly they couldn’t picture their lives anywhere else! Like water off a ducks back, the residents of this town, take it as it comes! In the world I was bought up in, that certainly is different! 

 While our short 6 month stint in this town has provided us with many inconveniences, we have not yet experienced what true country living has to offer. Driving long distances for a simple loaf of bread infuriates me, the loss of water in a blackout tints my cheeks a fiery red in annoyance, and the sight of yet another mouse, spider or ant making a home within mine turns my blood cold, but as the months pass, I have come to realise that in comparison to what many others living here have endued, I have not yet earned the right to let anger manifest inside me or negative comments roll off tongue. 

 The frequent storms have not affected my livelihood, the bugs are not eating at my crops nor are the distances I travel done in a tractor traveling at snails pace in scorching heat; Yes, when I really think about it, a furious storm that has left me blind, is nothing to be annoyed about.

 I gulp away my fear of the dark and my burning desire for the electricity to be restored. Walking from room to room, checking on my children who sleep soundly in their beds, I am again reminded of how fortunate I am and how unaffected I have actually been by living life in the country. 

 So the next time I feel that the storm is too furious for me to face, I will endeavor to see beyond the darkness of the clouds and look for the rainbow that is, life in the country.

Two Thousand and Twelve...

 A new year!  It's a time for a fresh start, new beginnings and of course the mapping out of plans for the year that follows. We make promises to ourselves of things we wish to achieve, some with a lazy heart and others with great determination. 

The end of another year is also the time to reflect on the journey we walked, ran and at times crawled. A time when we put all of our faith in the four new digits that we hope will bring us bigger and brighter things. Yes, with a new year comes much promise.

It’s now nearing the end of January.  Almost 6 months into our transition, however as I sit here in surroundings that still feel extremely new and unfamiliar, I am still unable to set out plans nor am I able to make a resolution for the year that is already upon us.

I am drawn to 2011 and what it bought to me and to the ones that I hold dear to my heart.  My mind is blank.  With our move to the country taking up much of my focus for a good part of 6 months, it’s hard to remember anything else of importance within that time.

I tightly close my eyes and force myself to think past the scared, the hurt and the pain. The memories of 2011 come flooding back.  

Jackson's first day of school is first and foremost.  How proudly he wore his uniform and how confidently he walked away from me, holding his new teachers hand and screaming across the quad "bye mummy"... The though has enough emotion attached to still bring a tear to my eye! 

Like mosaic of pictures fill my mind and many more memories follow;  the weddings we attended, the transformations we made, birthdays, concerts, achievements, day trips, sports played, and so much more... I am overwhelmed at how much actually happened that year; how many precious memories almost forgotten, smothered by my inability move past the emotions I carry towards moving here.  

I revert back to my reason for being in this moment; a resolution to be founded.  

I decide that the best path to take is the one that is already laid before me. To set no goals, make no plans, and have no expectations on the four digits that are 2012.

I have learnt from 2011 that life has its own plan for me. It has a way of mapping itself out and that my road has already been paved.  Instead of making myself promises that I may never be able to fulfil, I will instead take the hands of my family and friends and together we will tackle the bad, welcome the good and be open to walk the in what ever direction the year takes us; for the fear of forgetting what was is to great to be focused on what I wanted.  

A Christmas Thought!

The tunes of Deck the Halls, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells ring through my ears at every place I turn. "Tis the season to be jolly", they say, but when I look around all I see  is people with confused looks on their faces, running through the shops  in search of  the perfect gift, any gift,  to give the ones they care for.  Yes, the affectionately named "Silly Season" is upon us! 

Whilst joining in on the shopping madness today; running at the same pace with the same puzzled look upon my face, I can not help but think of the people in my life; the ones that remain and those whose paths changed direction. 

There is a small handful of people in this world who throughout the years have managed to place a mark on my heart. Through their unconditional friendship, they have assisted in creating my memories; have been the ears to listen to my stories and at times the shoulder in which I have cried upon. Their soothing words can dry my tears, and their comical humour can make me
laugh so hard my sides could split.  Yes, these people will forever hold a place in my world as I could not imagine living life without sharing it with them. These individuals are what I call, my lifetime! 

My thoughts are quickly diverted to the other people who have come into my life at one point or another. I have either worked with them, or been introduced through other people.  They are the ones that have preferred to walk a step or two ahead of me. We have formed an unlikely bond however as the season turns, their friendship is blown away like a leaf in the autumn breeze. The whirl wind created on their departure brings with it a cloud of dust that manages to blind my vision, allowing tears of heartache to escape my eyes. For many weeks after, I am forced to wonder what purpose these people served in my life and what lesson could be learned from the turbulent relationship. It’s a question I can rarely answer, so I settle on the conclusion that everything happens for a reason, in my mind, these people are just that; my reason! 

While I continue on the path of Christmas frenzy, my confusion turns to clarity. In amongst the vast array of nameless faces I am forced to muffle a laugh as the realisation smacks me in the head and heart. Although I am searching for the perfect gifts to give my nearest and dearest, in some ways I have already given them the best gift of all.  Because regardless of what each person brings to our lives, all have played a part in helping us become the people we are today...

So at this time of year when the gift of giving is at the forefront of our minds, I will relish in knowing that over the years and over many Christmases that I have been given a wonderfully unique and personal gift; The gift of memories and lessons.... What more could  I want??? 

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas..... X